I remember my mind always trailed towards this notion of "leaving a legacy" in some way, shape or form in my life. Whether it was whatever child or children that come to be in my future family, or through the work I do, I have always been fascinated by this notion, and wondering how I could leave sort of imprint on someone, or a group of people.
I came across a series of videos from the vlogbrothers series--headed by author, vlogger, YouTube mogul John Green and his brother Hank. Some of these videos touched on that subject. John Green talked about how legacies are impossible, and in a sense, full of fallacy. At some point, your story and your work will be forgotten. Nothing is forever. Depressing, right?
Somehow I think he's wrong, but I could be wrong. I'm just a 23-year-old guy.
I've been a part of the Millersville community for six years now. I was a student for four of them, and now the voice, or one of its voices, of its athletic program, for four of those aforementioned six years. In a sense, I feel like an unknown, even through all of that. I guess I'm okay with that. Maybe Millersville isn't where I make my mark, if I'm to make one at all in this life.
Though, as an aside, I have always wanted to be the commencement speaker there. Maybe someday.
In large groups I've been a part of while in an authoritative position, I have always taken an individualistic approach. It will be impossible for me to know 100+ people by name, so I'd rather know ten of them well, and find a way to be an influence that way. But even then, I have no clue if what I'm saying even gets through. Who knows?
As I mentioned, I'm 23. In a month I'll be turning 24. People will tell you that you're still young, but you're already considered, and expected, to be an adult. Adults are usually thrust into positions of responsibility. It's hard to take on that responsibility so fast. I don't know about anyone else, but with that responsibility I feel like I have this obligation to do everything well.
I have this need to want to compete. To want to do everything 100% to its completion, to its absolute best.
Do people even notice that? It would be stupid of me to turn to someone and just randomly ask "do you notice me working my ass off?" They'd probably say "I don't care, what you do is what you do." I remember writing so much about lacking inspiration last year, and perhaps that's it. We talk about being inspired by the so-called legacies put forth by hard work, but does that really motivate us?
If there's a story about someone doing awesome work in this world, I want it to inspire me. But it does not affect me. It doesn't make me feel any different. For some reason I'm only motivated by my own tunnel vision. By no means am I inherently self-centered, but for some reason, if it's something I can't comprehend, or relate to, or whatever, it won't affect me.
I think the only stories that can and do affect me are ones of kids who need to find their way, through ruthless opposition in their schooling years, to bloom into community leaders by the end of it. Perhaps people more fit to leave legacies than the ones we let do that anyway.
Will I ever leave a legacy? I don't know. I sincerely want to. Even if I made a difference in one person's life to want to work harder, to want to will their way to their dream, whatever that may be, perhaps that would be enough.
Or is that just a fallacy?
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